”This one is for you,” my husband said as he handed me the card from the stack of mail in his hand. Before I even opened it I knew what was inside. An invitation to a baby shower. As I opened the envelope and read the pretty card, all of the emotions came welling up at once. Tears burned hot behind my eyes as I felt excitement for a dear friend, yet the familiar sorrow of my own desires being delayed.
We were pretty confident when we made our decision to start a family. After five years of marriage, Dave and I were so excited at the possibility of having a child. Our first two years of marriage were spent living out of state while he served his military enlistment. We then moved back home, and even bought our first house. It seemed like all of our pre-family “to do” items had been checked off.
Despite all of those things, disappointment would soon set in when month after month there was no pregnancy. When I thought I would be calling our families right away with good news that we were expecting, instead I was entering a season of waiting.
Maybe you have been in a season of waiting. You made your plans but they just aren’t happening the way you imagined. The new job was supposed to be great, but you were laid off soon after starting, and now you are waiting on the next career opportunity. Or maybe you are in a long term relationship and you are still waiting for him to pop the question. Perhaps you are waiting to meet your soul mate, and you are wondering if you will ever cross paths.
Waiting. It’s so hard, isn’t it? We live in a culture that waits for no one. We receive our news in real time, and order our burger just the way we want it only to have it ready in less than five minutes! How could we be expected to wait for our plans to start unfolding?
During this season I could’ve chosen to trust in the God I knew, but instead I chose to find answers to why I was waiting in the things that were tangible. Who wouldn’t trust the internet with its sound medical advice? Or wonderful friends who had gone before us and had children of their own? Of course there were doctor visits, and even medication might be the answer. All of those things were helpful, and they certainly had their place. But they didn’t make the wait any less or bring me soul satisfying peace.
Finally, after three years of waiting, I found myself down in the front of church at the end of a Saturday evening service. I don’t remember what the woman prayed over me, but I do remember what caused me to boldly step out of my seat and make my way forward. I was so tired of waiting in turmoil, and I was desperate for any help God could give me. No matter what happened with our little family, I was ready to trust in the one I knew would direct my steps.
You know what? God met me there that night. I walked away from that prayer with a peace I couldn’t explain. It was truly amazing. After struggling through that season of waiting I felt like a huge weight had been lifted. I knew that whether or not I was able to have a child, God saw me, loved me, and had a purpose for my life. He sees you, loves you and has a purpose for your life too.
What is it you are waiting for today? I can’t promise you that everything will work out the way you’ve planned. Life rarely happens that way. But I can tell you that you can trust God with your plans, and when you do he will direct your steps.
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I know life can be crazy sometimes, and it is my prayer that you find comfort, encouragement and hope here.
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